Jennifer Foery, Graduate Student Intern
Supervised by Leslie Bley, LPC-S
Going Through Life Softly: Embracing Grace Over Hustle in 2026
In her book, Try Softer, Aundi Kolber reveals how our past experiences condition us to try harder. We overwork, we hustle, we overthink, and we constantly pivot to accommodate other’s functions and dysfunction. Kolber states our mindset is If we “push hard enough, if we
just try a little harder, you’ll be able to regain control, soothe your anxious mind and achieve some measure of success.” The problem is that it is exhausting work, and our bodies and minds are not built to sustain it.
The transition from one year to the next is often a time when we set goals and make resolutions that focus on doing better or doing more. We resolve to lose weight, exercise, pay off debt, be more considerate of others, maintain an orderly household, save money, and get organized. All of those can be great things, and many of us could find benefit in working toward those goals. But what if our goal and resolution this year is to do less, to try softer rather than try harder?
Do you remember the kids’ song “Going on a Bear Hunt”? The hunters encounter tall grass, a big river, and squishy mud. They determine they can’t go over, they can’t go under, they have to go through. Life is the same way. Sure, we can try to get around grief, challenges and
painful experiences, but if we genuinely want to heal, we have to go through them. At mid-life, I have gone through my fair share, and hopefully, many years to come will ensure I have many more. The “going through” is inescapable. We do, however, have a choice for how we proceed.
When you think of “going through” what immediately comes to mind? I’m willing to bet you have heard and said these phrases a time or two:
- Suck it up, buttercup
- Grin and bear it
- If I can do (xyz), then I can make it.
We challenge and yes, even berate ourselves into trying harder in our “going through”. We white-knuckle our way and ignore the messages our bodies send us because it’s the only way we know to hunt our bears. It is not uncommon, then, to end up on the other side worse off than when we started.
How, then, can we approach these challenges more gently?
- Give yourself grace. Each day, we wake up and approach that day as humans for
the first time. None of us is perfect and to expect otherwise is folly. - Find help. We are not meant to go through life alone, and our trials and
tribulations are not meant to be endured in isolation. I once heard that if there is a
word for what you are going through, then someone else has gone through the
same thing. A trusted friend, a pastor, and a therapist are sources of support and
encouragement. - Exercise vulnerability to find strength. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus said, “Come to
me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke
upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus
wants us to give our burdens over to Him. He is our strength and our refuge. - Be patient. Ralf Waldo Emerson wrote, “Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is
patience.” Healing and growth do not happen overnight. As in nature, our lives
bring us through seasons. Sit for a moment and observe what you see in nature;
trees and flowers are not in a rush to bloom, they simply are.
As we embark on this new year, take a moment to breathe. You don’t have to do everything at once. You don’t have to wear yourself down under the guise of trying to be better and do more. Let 2026 be the year you resolve to take time for rest and grace and go through with softness.