Leslie Bley, LPC
The Gift of Waiting: How Friction and Difficulty Shape Our Growth
Tom Petty said it best when he sang:
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
(The Waiting by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)
In our fast-moving world, waiting can feel like wasted time. We are conditioned to expect instant answers, quick fixes, and immediate relief from discomfort. Yet in the counseling room, and in life, it often becomes clear that the very things we wish to avoid, such as waiting, struggle, or friction, are the ones that deepen us.
For counselors, holding space for this process requires patience and trust in the unseen. It can be tempting to want to hurry our clients along, to ease their discomfort as quickly as possible. But often the friction is where something essential is being shaped. Our role is to companion rather than rush, to believe with our clients that difficulty does not mean failure but rather the birth pangs of something new.
Difficulty acts as a kind of friction that helps us gain traction. Imagine walking across smooth ice, without resistance, there is no way forward. Friction is what allows movement. Similarly, the challenges we face invite us to slow down, reconsider, and strengthen muscles we might not otherwise develop. Without the delay of waiting or the press of hardship, we might never discover our deeper capacities for resilience, courage, or compassion.
The invitation, then, is to reframe waiting and difficulty not as obstacles to growth but as integral parts of it. Instead of asking, “How do I get past this as quickly as possible?” we might ask, “What is this difficulty inviting me to notice, to practice, or to release?”
Growth is rarely linear, and it often comes clothed in struggle. But over time, those who allow themselves to wait with curiosity and courage often find that the slow, resistant moments were not wasted at all; they were formative. They were the very ground of transformation.
For both counselors and clients, may we honor the gift of waiting, embrace the shaping of friction, and trust the slow work of growth.
Tips for Engaging Friction
Pause Before Pushing Through
Instead of rushing past the difficulty, take a breath and notice what the friction is stirring in you; emotionally, physically, or mentally.
Name the Discomfort
Put words to the tension you feel. Naming it often reduces its power and clarifies what it may be pointing toward.
Shift the Question
Move from “How do I get rid of this?” to “What might this be teaching me?” or “What is being formed in me here?”
Break It into Steps
Friction often feels overwhelming when we look at the whole picture. Ask: “What is the smallest step forward I can take in this moment?”
Companion the Process
Share your experience with a trusted counselor, friend, or journal. Sometimes friction feels lighter when it is carried in relationship.