Leslie Bley, LPC
A Counselor’s Reflection: Three Gentle Questions To Ask In December
We all know that we will be bombarded by new year’s resolution posts and the pressure {exciting for many; anxiety-ridden for others} that can arise facing a new year of life. Ok, before all of that shiny renewal exploration, let’s find space to be present here in December.
As the year draws to a close, many people feel an internal pull toward reflection and a quiet, intuitive sense that it’s time to pause and reflect. In counseling, I often encourage clients to focus less on resolutions and more on awareness. Awareness is what opens the door to meaningful, sustainable change. Three simple questions can help illuminate that path:
1. What truly mattered to me this year, and what didn’t?
This question helps separate genuine values from inherited expectations or external pressure. When you look back, notice the moments that felt grounding, fulfilling, or aligned with who you want to be. These are clues to your core values; maybe even some new ones that have come into being for you. When you hear the following questions, let yourself hear your answers.
What felt nourishing to me?
Who felt nourishing to me?
What did I try with myself that felt really good?
Just as important is recognizing what didn’t matter or what had an unnecessary negative impact on you. What did you possibly chase out of habit, obligation, or fear of disappointing others? Can you pause and notice the cost or impact of them? Where did they take from your time, your body, your mental health? Letting go of these can free mental and emotional space for what actually nourishes you. Try on the following questions and see what you learn.
What did I dread about and was I right? How so?
What were the loudest signals in my body that I didn’t listen to? {that I can say, “I’m listening now!}
What thing in my schedule would I like to drop for next year and why?
2. What gave me energy this year, and what drained it?
Your energy is one of your most honest internal feedback systems. Pay attention to the relationships, environments, and routines that made you feel alive, motivated, or hopeful. Likewise, acknowledge the things that left you depleted or resentful. This isn’t about blaming yourself or others; it’s about noticing patterns. Energy-drains often point to boundaries that need strengthening or commitments that need reevaluating.
What event or rhythm brought me tons of joy?
What rhythm, habit, or particular dynamic had a frequently draining impact? (one where you may have had an emotional collapse afterward or a few times throughout the year)
Where did you notice any resentment?
3. Where did I hold back, and what would I do differently with more courage?
Most people can identify at least one moment where fear, doubt, or old narratives kept them from speaking up, trying something new, or honoring a personal need. Reflecting on this isn’t meant to produce shame; it’s meant to illuminate opportunity. By naming where you held back, you begin to see where courage wants to grow. Ask yourself:
If I trusted myself a little more, how would I act?
What specific area, place {like work} or relationship can you envision growing more trust or courage?
What small risk feels aligned with who I’m becoming?
Closing Thought
Taken together, these questions create a powerful reflective map. They help you recognize what truly supports your well-being, what quietly erodes it, and where your next small step toward growth might be. You don’t need to overhaul your life in January. You simply need to be with yourself more clearly. Reflection is the first act of courage and often the most transformative. As always, go at your own pace with reflection; 5 minutes if that’s where you are or a half-day if that’s a possibility paired with some time in nature {my favorite}. Your future self will be so grateful for any time you spend attaching more deeply to you!